XI. -- THAT WE MUST NOT LOOK A GIFT-HORSE IN THE M

Noraladysageintheparishregister.Wehopewehavemoredelicacythantodoeither:butsomefacesspareusthetroubleofthesedentalinquiries.Andwhatifthebeast,whichmyfriendwouldforceuponmyacceptance,prove,uponthefaceofit,asorryRozinante,alean,ill-favouredjade,whomnogentlemancouldthinkofsettingupinhisstables?MustI,ratherthannotbeobligedtomyfriend,makeherapaniontoEclipseorLight-foot?Ahorse-giver,nomorethanahorse-seller,hasarighttopalmhisspavinedarticleuponusforgoodware.Anequivalentisexpectedineithercase;and,withmyowngoodwill,Iwouldnomorebecheatedoutofmythanks,thanoutofmymoney.Somepeoplehaveaknackofputtinguponyougiftsofnorealvalue,toengageyoutosubstantialgratitude.Wethankthemfornothing.OurfriendMitiscarriesthishumourofneverrefusingapresent,totheverypointofabsurdity——ifitwerepossibletocoupletheridiculouswithsomuchmistakendelicacy,andrealgood-nature.[p262]Notanapartmentinhisfinehouse(andhehasatruetasteinhouseholddecorations),butisstuffedupwithsomepreposterousprintormirror——theworstadaptedtohispannelsthatatmayhe——thepresentsofhisfriendsthatknowhisweakness;whilehisnobleVandykesaredisplaced,tomakeroomforasetofdaubs,theworkofsomewretchedartistofhisacquaintance,who,havinghadthemreturneduponhishandsforbadlikenesses,findshisaccountinbestowingthemheregratis.Thegoodcreaturehasnotthehearttomortifythepainterattheexpenseofanhonestrefusal.Itispleasant(ifitdidnotvexoneatthesametime)toseehimsittinginhisdiningparlour,surroundedwithobscureauntsandcousinstoGodknowswhom,whilethetrueLadyMarysandLadyBettysofhisownhonourablefamily,infavourtotheseadoptedfrights,areconsignedtothestaircaseandthelumber-room.Inlikemannerhisgoodlyshelvesareonebyonestriptofhisfavouriteoldauthors,togiveplacetoacollectionofpresentationcopies——theflowerandbranofmodernpoetry.Apresentationcopy,reader——ifhaplyyouareyetinnocentsuchfavours——isacopyofabookwhichdoesnotsell,sentyoubytheauthor,withhisfoolishautographatthebeginningofit;forwhich,ifastranger,heonlydemandsyourfriendship;ifabrotherauthor,heexpectsfromyouabookofyourswhichdoessell,inreturn.Wecanspeaktoexperience,havingbyusatolerableassortmentofthesegift-horses.Nottorideametaphortodeath——wearewillingtoacknowledge,thatinsomegiftsthereissense.Aduplicateoutofafriendslibrary(wherehehasmorethanonecopyofarareauthor)isintelligible.Therearefavours,shortofthepecuniary——athingnotfittobehintedatamonggentlemen——whichconferasmuch——graceupontheacceptorastheofferer;thekind,weconfess,whichismosttoourpalate,isofthoselittleconciliatorymissives,whichfortheirvehiclegenerallychooseahamper——littleoddpresentsofgame,fruit,perhapswine——thoughitisessentialtothedelicacyofthelatterthatitbehome-made.Welovetohaveourfriendinthecountrysittingthusatourtablebyproxy;toapprehendhispresence(thoughahundredmilesmaybebetweenus)byaturkey,——whosegoodlyaspectreflectstoushis"plumpcorpusculum;"totastehimingrouseorwoodcock;tofeelhimaidingdowninthetoastpeculiartothelatter;toconcorporatehiminasliceofCanterburybrawn.Thisisindeedtohavehimwithinourselves;——toknowhimintimately:suchparticipationismethinksunitive,astheoldtheologiansphraseit.Fortheseconsiderationsweshouldbesorryifcertainrestrictiveregulations,whicharethoughttobearharduponthepeasantryofthiscountry,wereentirelydoneawaywith.Ahare,asthelawnowstands,makesmanyfriends.CaiusconciliatesTitius(knowinghisgout)withaleashofpartridges.[p263]Titius(suspectinghispartialityforthem)passesthemtoLucius;whoinhisturn,preferringhisfriendsrelishtohisown,makesthemovertoMarcius;tillintheireverwideningprogress,androundofunconsciouscircum-migration,theydistributetheseedsofharmonyoverhalfaparish.Wearewelldisposedtothiskindofsensibleremembrances;andarethelessapttobetakenbythoselittleairytokens——inpalpabletothepalate——which,underthenamesofrings,lockets,keep-sakes,amusesomepeoplesfancymightily.Wecouldneverawaywiththeseindigestibletrifles.Theyaretheverykickshawsandfopperyoffriendship.