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《北方与南方》 作者:伊丽莎白·盖斯凯尔

第52章 CHAPTER XVI THE SHADOW OF DEATH (1)

  \"Trust in that veiled hand, which leadsNone by the path that he would go;And always be for change prepared,

  For the world\"s law is ebb and flow.\"

  FROM THE ARABIC.

  The next afternoon Dr. Donaldson came to pay his first visit to Mrs.

  Hale. The mystery that Margaret hoped their late habits of intimacy hadbroken through, was resumed. She was excluded from the room, whileDixon was admitted. Margaret was not a ready lover, but where sheloved she loved passionately, and with no small degree of jealousy.

  She went into her mother\"s bed-room, lust behind the drawing-room,and paced it up and down, while awaiting the doctor\"s coming out.

  Every now and then she stopped to listen; she fancied she heard a moan.

  She clenched her hands tight, and held her breath. She was sure sheheard a moan. Then all was still for a few minutes more; and then therewas the moving of chairs, the raised voices, all the little disturbances ofleave-taking.

  When she heard the door open, she went quickly out of the bed-room.

  \"My father is from home, Dr. Donaldson; he has to attend a pupil at thishour. May I trouble you to come into his room down stairs?\"

  She saw, and triumphed over all the obstacles which Dixon threw in herway; assuming her rightful position as daughter of the house insomething of the spirit of the Elder Brother, which quelled the oldservant\"s officiousness very effectually. Margaret\"s consciousassumption of this unusual dignity of demeanour towards Dixon, gaveher an instant\"s amusement in the midst of her anxiety. She knew, fromthe surprised expression on Dixon\"s face, how ridiculously grand sheherself must be looking; and the idea carried her down stairs into theroom; it gave her that length of oblivion from the keen sharpness of therecollection of the actual business in hand. Now, that came back, andseemed to take away her breath. It was a moment or two before shecould utter a word.

  But she spoke with an air of command, as she asked:--\"

  \"What is the matter with mamma? You will oblige me by telling thesimple truth.\" Then, seeing a slight hesitation on the doctor\"s part, sheadded-\"

  I am the only child she has--here, I mean. My father is not sufficientlyalarmed, I fear; and, therefore, if there is any serious apprehension, itmust be broken to him gently. I can do this. I can nurse my mother.

  Pray, speak, sir; to see your face, and not be able to read it, gives me aworse dread than I trust any words of yours will justify.\"

  \"My dear young lady, your mother seems to have a most attentive andefficient servant, who is more like her friend--\"

  \"I am her daughter, sir.\"

  \"But when I tell you she expressly desired that you might not be told--\"

  \"I am not good or patient enough to submit to the prohibition. Besides, Iam sure you are too wise--too experienced to have promised to keep thesecret.\"

  \"Well,\" said he, half-smiling, though sadly enough, \"there you are right. Idid not promise. In fact, I fear, the secret will be known soon enoughwithout my revealing it.\"

  He paused. Margaret went very white, and compressed her lips a littlemore. Otherwise not a feature moved. With the quick insight intocharacter, without which no medical man can rise to the eminence ofDr. Donaldson, he saw that she would exact the full truth; that shewould know if one iota was withheld; and that the withholding wouldbe torture more acute than the knowledge of it. He spoke two shortsentences in a low voice, watching her all the time; for the pupils of hereyes dilated into a black horror and the whiteness of her complexionbecame livid. He ceased speaking. He waited for that look to go off,-forher gasping breath to come. Then she said:-\"

  I thank you most truly, sir, for your confidence. That dread has hauntedme for many weeks. It is a true, real agony. My poor, poor mother!\" herlips began to quiver, and he let her have the relief of tears, sure of herpower of self-control to check them.

  A few tears--those were all she shed, before she recollected the manyquestions she longed to ask.

  \"Will there be much suffering?\"

  He shook his head. \"That we cannot tell. It depends on constitution; on athousand things. But the late discoveries of medical science have givenus large power of alleviation.\"

  \"My father!\" said Margaret, trembling all over.

  \"I do not know Mr. Hale. I mean, it is difficult to give advice. But Ishould say, bear on, with the knowledge you have forced me to giveyou so abruptly, till the fact which I could not with-hold has become insome degree familiar to you, so that you may, without too great aneffort, be able to give what comfort you can to your father. Before then,-my visits, which, of course, I shall repeat from time to time, although Ifear I can do nothing but alleviate,--a thousand little circumstances willhave occurred to awaken his alarm, to deepen it--so that he will be allthe better prepared.--Nay, my dear young lady--nay, my dear--I saw Mr.

  Thornton, and I honour your father for the sacrifice he has made,however mistaken I may believe him to be. --Well, this once, if it willplease you, my dear. Only remember, when I come again, I come as afriend. And you must learn to look upon me as such, because seeingeach other--getting to know each other at such times as these, is worthyears of morning calls.\"

  Margaret could not speak for crying: but she wrung his hand at parting.

  \"That\"s what I call a fine girl!\" thought Dr. Donaldson, when he wasseated in his carriage, and had time to examine his ringed hand, whichhad slightly suffered from her pressure. \"Who would have thought thatlittle hand could have given such a squeeze? But the bones were wellput together, and that gives immense power. What a queen she is! Withher head thrown back at first, to force me into speaking the truth; andthen bent so eagerly forward to listen. Poor thing! I must see she doesnot overstrain herself. Though it\"s astonishing how much those thoroughbredcreatures can do and suffer. That girl\"s game to the back-bone.

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