第156章 CHAPTER XX NOT ALL A DREAM

　　\"Where are the sounds that swam alongThe buoyant air when I was young?

　　The last vibration now is o\"er,And they who listened are no more;Ah! let me close my eyes and dream.\"

　　W. S. LANDOR.

　　The idea of Helstone had been suggested to Mr. Bell\"s waking mind byhis conversation with Mr. Lennox, and all night long it ran riot throughhis dreams. He was again the tutor in the college where he now held therank of Fellow; it was again a long vacation, and he was staying withhis newly married friend, the proud husband, and happy Vicar ofHelstone. Over babbling brooks they took impossible leaps, whichseemed to keep them whole days suspended in the air. Time and spacewere not, though all other things seemed real. Every event wasmeasured by the emotions of the mind, not by its actual existence, forexistence it had none. But the trees were gorgeous in their autumnalleafiness--the warm odours of flower and herb came sweet upon thesense--the young wife moved about her house with just that mixture ofannoyance at her position, as regarded wealth, with pride in herhandsome and devoted husband, which Mr. Bell had noticed in real lifea quarter of a century ago. The dream was so like life that, when heawoke, his present life seemed like a dream. Where was he? In theclose, handsomely furnished room of a London hotel! Where were

　　those who spoke to him, moved around him, touched him, not an instantago? Dead! buried! lost for evermore, as far as earth\"s for evermorewould extend. He was an old man, so lately exultant in the full strengthof manhood. The utter loneliness of his life was insupportable to thinkabout. He got up hastily, and tried to forget what never more might be,in a hurried dressing for the breakfast in Harley Street.

　　He could not attend to all the lawyer\"s details, which, as he saw, madeMargaret\"s eyes dilate, and her lips grow pale, as one by one fatedecreed, or so it seemed, every morsel of evidence which wouldexonerate Frederick, should fall from beneath her feet and disappear.

　　Even Mr. Lennox\"s well-regulated professional voice took a softer,tenderer tone, as he drew near to the extinction of the last hope. It wasnot that Margaret had not been perfectly aware of the result before. Itwas only that the details of each successive disappointment came withsuch relentless minuteness to quench all hope, that she at last fairlygave way to tears. Mr. Lennox stopped reading.

　　\"I had better not go on,\" said he, in a concerned voice. \"It was a foolishproposal of mine. Lieutenant Hale,\" and even this giving him the title ofthe service from which he had so harshly been expelled, was soothingto Margaret, \"Lieutenant Hale is happy now; more secure in fortune andfuture prospects than he could ever have been in the navy; and has,doubtless, adopted his wife\"s country as his own.\"

　　\"That is it,\" said Margaret. \"It seems so selfish in me to regret it,\" trying tosmile, \"and yet he is lost to me, and I am so lonely.\" Mr. Lennox turnedover his papers, and wished that he were as rich and prosperous as hebelieved he should be some day. Mr. Bell blew his nose, but, otherwise,he also kept silence; and Margaret, in a minute or two, had apparentlyrecovered her usual composure. She thanked Mr. Lennox verycourteously for his trouble; all the more courteously and graciouslybecause she was conscious that, by her behaviour, he might haveprobably been led to imagine that he had given her needless pain. Yet itwas pain she would not have been without.

　　Mr. Bell came up to wish her good-bye.

　　\"Margaret!\" said he, as he fumbled with his gloves. \"I am going down toHelstone to-morrow, to look at the old place. Would you like to comewith me? Or would it give you too much pain? Speak out, don\"t beafraid.\"

　　\"Oh, Mr. Bell,\" said she--and could say no more. But she took his oldgouty hand, and kissed it.

　　\"Come, come; that\"s enough,\" said he, reddening with awkwardness. \"Isuppose your aunt Shaw will trust you with me. We\"ll go to-morrowmorning, and we shall get there about two o\"clock, I fancy. We\"ll take asnack, and order dinner at the little inn--the Lennard Arms, it used to

　　be,--and go and get an appetite in the forest. Can you stand it,Margaret? It will be a trial, I know, to both of us, but it will be apleasure to me, at least. And there we\"ll dine--it will be but doe-venison,if we can get it at all--and then I\"ll take my nap while you go out and seeold friends. I\"ll give you back safe and sound, barring railway accidents,and I\"ll insure your life for a thousand pounds before starting, whichmay be some comfort to your relations; but otherwise, I\"ll bring youback to Mrs. Shaw by lunch-time on Friday. So, if you say yes, I\"ll justgo up-stairs and propose it.\"

　　\"It\"s no use my trying to say how much I shall like it,\" said Margaret,through her tears.

　　\"Well, then, prove your gratitude by keeping those fountains of yoursdry for the next two days. If you don\"t, I shall feel queer myself aboutthe lachrymal ducts, and I don\"t like that.\"

　　\"I won\"t cry a drop,\" said Margaret, winking her eyes to shake the tearsoff her eye-lashes, and forcing a smile.

　　\"There\"s my good girl. Then we\"ll go up-stairs and settle it all.\" Margaretwas in a state of almost trembling eagerness, while Mr. Bell discussedhis plan with her aunt Shaw, who was first startled, then doubtful andperplexed, and in the end, yielding rather to the rough force of Mr.

　　Bell\"s words than to her own conviction; for to the last, whether it wasright or wrong, proper or improper, she could not settle to her ownsatisfaction, till Margaret\"s safe return, the happy fulfilment of theproject, gave her decision enough to say, \"she was sure it had been avery kind thought of Mr. Bell\"s, and just what she herself had beenwishing for Margaret, as giving her the very change which she required,after all the anxious time she had had.\"