第53章 Chapter Six(2)

　　“I don’t know what you mean. I am free. Free to have the most wonderful time. Everybody’s happy nowadays.”

　　He laughed， “Yes， ‘Everybody’s happy nowadays.’ We begin giving the children that at five. But wouldn’t you like to be free to be happy in some other way， Lenina？ In your own way， for example； not in everybody else’s way.”

　　“I don’t know what you mean，” she repeated. Then， turning to him， “Oh， do let’s go back， Bernard，” she besought； “I do so hate it here.”

　　“Don’t you like being with me？”

　　“But of course， Bernard. It’s this horrible place.”

　　“I thought we’d be more…more together here–with nothing but the sea and moon. More together than in that crowd， or even in my rooms. Don’t you understand that？”

　　“I don’t understand anything，” she said with decision， determined to preserve her incomprehension intact. “Nothing. Least of all，” she continued in another tone， “Why you don’t take soma when you have these dreadful ideas of yours. You’d forget all about them. And instead of feeling miserable， you’d be jolly. So jolly，” she repeated and smiled， for all the puzzled anxiety in her eyes， with what was meant to be an inviting and voluptuous cajolery.

　　He looked at her in silence， his face unresponsive and very grave–looked at her intently. After a few seconds Lenina’s eyes flinched away； she uttered a nervous little laugh， tried to think of something to say and couldn’t. The silence prolonged itself.

　　When Bernard spoke at last， it was in a small tired voice. “All right then，” he said， “we’ll go back.” And stepping hard on the accelerator， he sent the machine rocketing up into the sky. At four thousand he started his propeller. They flew in silence for a minute or two. Then， suddenly， Bernard began to laugh. Rather oddly， Lenina thought， but still， it was laughter.

　　“Feeling better？” she ventured to ask.

　　For answer， he lifted one hand from the controls and， slipping his arm around her， began to fondle her breasts.

　　“Thank Ford，” she said to herself， “he’s all right again.”

　　Half an hour later they were back in his rooms. Bernard swallowed four tablets of soma at a gulp， turned on the radio and television and began to undress.

　　“Well，” Lenina enquired， with significant archness when they met next afternoon on the roof， “did you think it was fun yesterday？”

　　Bernard nodded. They climbed into the plane. A little jolt， and they were off.

　　“Every one says I’m awfully pneumatic，” said Lenina reflectively， patting her own legs.

　　“Awfully.” But there was an expression of pain in Bernard’s eyes. “Like meat，” he was thinking.

　　She looked up with a certain anxiety. “But you don’t think I’m too plump， do you？”

　　He shook his head. Like so much meat.

　　“You think I’m all right.” Another nod. “In every way？”

　　“Perfect，” he said aloud. And inwardly. “She thinks of herself that way. She doesn’t mind being meat.”

　　Lenina smiled triumphantly. But her satisfaction was premature.

　　“All the same，” he went on， after a little pause， “I still rather wish it had all ended differently.”

　　“Differently？” Were there other endings？

　　“I didn’t want it to end with our going to bed，” he specified.

　　Lenina was astonished.

　　“Not at once， not the first day.”

　　“But then what…？”

　　He began to talk a lot of incomprehensible and dangerous nonsense. Lenina did her best to stop the ears of her mind； but every now and then a phrase would insist on becoming audible. “…to try the effect of arresting my impulses，” she heard him say. The words seemed to touch a spring in her mind.

　　“Never put off till to-morrow the fun you can have to-day，” she said gravely.

　　“Two hundred repetitions， twice a week from fourteen to sixteen and a half，” was all his comment. The mad bad talk rambled on. “I want to know what passion is，” she heard him saying. “I want to feel something strongly.”

　　“When the individual feels， the community reels，” Lenina pronounced.

　　“Well， why shouldn’t it reel a bit？”

　　“Bernard！”

　　But Bernard remained unabashed.

　　“Adults intellectually and during working hours，” he went on. “Infants where feeling and desire are concerned.”

　　“Our Ford loved infants.”

　　Ignoring the interruption. “It suddenly struck me the other day，” continued Bernard， “that it might be possible to be an adult all the time.”

　　“I don’t understand.” Lenina’s tone was firm.

　　“I know you don’t. And that’s why we went to bed together yesterday–like infants–instead of being adults and waiting.”

　　“But it was fun，” Lenina insisted. “Wasn’t it？”

　　“Oh， the greatest fun，” he answered， but in a voice so mournful， with an expression so profoundly miserable， that Lenina felt all her triumph suddenly evaporate. Perhaps he had found her too plump， after all.

　　“I told you so，” was all that Fanny said， when Lenina came and made her confidences. “It’s the alcohol they put in his surrogate.”

　　“All the same，” Lenina insisted. “I do like him. He has such awfully nice hands. And the way he moves his shoulders–that’s very attractive.” She sighed. “But I wish he weren’t so odd.”

　　Halting for a moment outside the door of the Director’s room， Bernard drew a deep breath and squared his shoulders， bracing himself to meet the dislike and disapproval which he was certain of finding within. He knocked and entered.

　　“A permit for you to initial， Director，” he said as airily as possible， and laid the paper on the writing-table.

　　The Director glanced at him sourly. But the stamp of the World Controller’s Office was at the head of the paper and the signature of Mustapha Mond， bold and black， across the bottom. Everything was perfectly in order. The director had no choice. He pencilled his initials–two small pale letters abject at the feet of Mustapha Mond–and was about to return the paper without a word of comment or genial Ford-speed， when his eye was caught by something written in the body of the permit.

　　“For the New Mexican Reservation？” he said， and his tone， the face he lifted to Bernard， expressed a kind of agitated astonishment.

　　Surprised by his surprise， Bernard nodded. There was a silence.

　　The Director leaned back in his chair， frowning. “How long ago was it？” he said， speaking more to himself than to Bernard. “Twenty years， I suppose. Nearer twenty-five. I must have been your age…” He sighed and shook his head.